Death to Relena!
by DVL
Summary: Three of my characters go into Gundam Wing with one purpose: to kill The Monster, Relena! Some profanity and mild violence (obviously).
1. Into Gundam Wing

Don't steal any of my characters, they're MINE and you must be pretty pathetic if you have to steal mine.  Make up your own.  Besides, I might have to hurt you if you did.

Now that we're straight on that, this is mostly about my characters, but the pilots and Relena are in it.  They're kinda OOC, though.  All of my characters have an element they can control, and it's a little confusing if you don't know what they are, so here's the key:

DVL-psychic, Blaze-fire, Wreck-death, Timeless-time, Eclipse-darkness, Zeph-wind

Warning: The pilots and Relena get beat up a bit.

~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

*In DVL's Room*

Blaze, DVL, and Wreck are watching Gundam Wing DVDs. Wreck is getting annoyed because Relena keeps showing up.

Wreck: They have 49 episodes, a movie, and some graphic novels of this, and NOWHERE did they kill Relena!

DVL: Somebody has to rule ESUN. She'd be good at it.

Wreck: Make Lady Une do it, she got better at the end. Dev, warp me in there so I can kill her!

DVL and Blaze: What?!?

DVL: No! I will not!

Wreck: Yes you will, or I'll tell Eclipse who put all those fireflies in her room.

((FYI: Eclipse thinks fireflies are insulting. Don't ask.))

DVL: (pales) You wouldn't.

Wreck: I will. Now do it!

DVL: (looks nervously at Blaze) Uh...

Blaze: Just do it. We can probably fix any damage she does, but if Eclipse finds out about the fireflies, it won't be pretty. And we can't fix that.

DVL: OK...

DVL uses psychic power to send the three of them into Gundam Wing. They come out at one of the colonies.

Wreck: Pretty. Where the freak are we?

DVL: Close to Relena. And WHEN are we is a better question. I'm not sure when this is.

Blaze: Whaddya mean you don't know when this is?!? You brought us here!

DVL: Yeah, but I do PLACES, not times. So this should be the present. Whenever that is.

Wreck: What DVD were we watching, then? And why does it matter anyway?

DVL: Well, we don't wanna kill her in the middle of the war...

Blaze: Quit worrying, Dev, we can just have Timeless fix any damage she causes.

DVL: Why would Timeless help us?

Blaze: He hates The Monster too. He might even show up and help kill her.

DVL: He watches this show?

Blaze: Apparently.

Wreck: Can we get on with it?!?

DVL: (sighs) I hate being the only sane person.

Blaze: So we'll find a good fight and then you'll be insane too.  So where is The Monster?

DVL: Somewhere within a mile of here.

Wreck: That let's split up!

DVL: ...What is this, Scooby Doo?

They split up and begin searching. Unfortunately Wreck spots Relena first.

Wreck: Hey! She's' over here!

Wreck starts running toward Relena with her scythe but is tackled by somebody.

Wreck: OW! Who the hell d'ya think you are?!?

Duo: Uh, a Preventer? You can't kill Relena.

Wreck: (looks at him) DUO! HI! (hugs Duo violently)

((FYI: Duo is Wreck's favorite character.))

Duo: Ahhh...HELP, somebody! (starts squirming)

DVL and Blaze show up.

Blaze: Oh boy...Wreck, HEEL!

Wreck: (stands up) Do I look like a dog to you?!?

Blaze: ...

Wreck: Ooh, you...! (slashes at Blaze with scythe)

Blaze: Ahh! (starts fighting with Wreck)

Duo: Uh, who are you people?

DVL: (rubbing temples) Don't ask. Just don't. What year is this?

Duo: AC 202.

DVL: Later than I expected.

Duo: How could you not know what year it is?

DVL: We're from another world. I'm DVL, the crazy girl with the scythe is Wreck, and the redhead is Blaze. In our world your war is a TV show. And Wreck blackmailed me into bringing her here so she could kill Relena.

Duo: Okaaaaaaay...You can't do that. Heero won't let you.

DVL: Her idea, not mine. So she can work out the kinks. Break it up, you two, we can't kill each other!

Blaze and Wreck: (stop in the middle of trying to beat each other to death)

Wreck: Why not?

DVL: Because all of the worlds' elements will go to hell and then everything will blow up. Remember?

Wreck: Oh yeah...

Blaze: OK, then let's kill The Monster and get out of here.

Duo: (points) Relena's over there, but Heero and the others are guarding so you won't kill her.

Blaze: Then why are you bothering to tell us?

Duo: Because it'll be cool to watch.

Blaze: Good reason.

Wreck: Can we go now?

Blaze: What about the other pilots?

Wreck: We'll just sic DVL on them.

DVL: Do I look like a dog?!?

Wreck: (opens mouth to answer)

DVL: Don't answer that. And don't say it was your line either. I know that.

Wreck: :-P

DVL: :-P

Blaze: Cut it out. Let's go. And bring Dorkbraid.

Duo and Wreck: Hey!

DVL: You shouldn't have said that to his face. Even if you don't like him.

Blaze: I like him fine. Just not his hair.

Duo: Hello! I'm still here!

DVL: Indeed he is. We all are.

Wreck: That's not right.

Wreck grabs everybody and drags them where Duo pointed. Before long Quatre shows up.

Quatre: No one is allowed beyond this point. Please--(stops when he sees Duo) Duo?

Duo: Yo.

Quatre: So, should I let them through?

Duo: No. They want to kill Relena.

Quatre: Then why are you with them?!?

Duo: To watch the show.

Duo grabs popcorn and sits on the ground to watch.

Blaze: We don't need to waste DVL on Blond Boy. I'll do it. (calls flames to her hand) OK, move your butt or I'll fry you.

Quatre: (gulps and moves)

Blaze: Thank you. C'mon people.

They keep going. Quatre follows them. Trowa shows up.

Trowa: (looks at Duo and Quatre) Why did you let them through?

Duo: They're PERSUASIVE.

Trowa: Hmm.

Blaze: I'm not flaming him, I like Bangs.

DVL: Why do you have a nickname for everybody?

Blaze: Because I felt like it.

Wreck: Then I'll do it. (waves scythe) I wanna kill Relena, not you, OK? And if I do kill you Blaze'll be ticked off and that won't be good. So pretty please move?

Trowa: (attacks)

Wreck: Or not. (dodges, stabs Trowa with scythe)

Blaze: HEY!

Wreck: Sorry, self-defense. We're having Timeless undo this anyway, right?

Blaze: Oh, fine...So who's left, Chinese Boy and Lunatic?

Wreck: Our pet lunatic can do that.

DVL: Huh?

Wreck: (looks back at Duo and Quatre) Who's next, Heero or Wufei?

Duo: Wufei.

Blaze: Hmm, Dev won't kill him. And she'll go insane early if we do it.

DVL: Whaddya mean, "go insane?"

Wreck: (ignoring DVL) So what do we do?

Timeless: (shows up) He's knocked out already.

Blaze: Hi. Whatcha doin' here?

Timeless: Helping. I hate Relena.

DVL: Guess you were right. BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KNOCK OUT WUFEI!!!!

Timeless: Actually I did.

DVL: ...I despise you methods of arguing.

Timeless: That's nice. You can have Heero, you're both crazy.

Heero: (shows up) You can't kill Relena!

DVL: D'oh, can we just get it over with and LEAVE already?!?

DVL attacks Heero. Heero starts shooting at her but she summons her enormous axe and bangs it on his head. Heero falls to the ground, not quite dead. DVL starts laughing.

Duo: And she seemed sane.

Blaze: She's not. One lunatic for another. Monster-killing time.

Timeless: I found her already. There are some other Preventers that'll start shooting at us but they should be easy.

Wreck: Then let's go.

Wreck drags everyone except Timeless toward Relena. Timeless follows her, pulling out his sword. They reach Relena.

Blaze: OK, Preventers are mine, The Monster is yours. Dev'll do what she wants. Blond Boy and Dorkbraid can do what they want, too.

Duo: (makes annoyed expression)

Blaze steals all of the Preventers' guns, and DVL attacks random people with the axe. Duo and Quatre watch and eat popcorn. Timeless and Wreck go for Relena.

Relena: EEK! HELP!

Wreck: Oh, shut UP!

Wreck starts whirling the scythe around while Relena runs in random directions, screaming.

Timeless: Enough already. (stops Relena with his sword)

Relena: (screams)

Wreck stabs Relena with scythe. Relena turns into ashes and Wreck stomps on them.

Timeless: Uh...yeah. Now that we've done that...

Timeless waves his hand and things go back to the way they were.

*Back in DVL's Room*

Blaze: Well that went well.

DVL: Did I blow up anything?

Wreck: No. Just chopped some people in half. And Timeless fixed it.

DVL: (sighs in relief) Oh good...

Suddenly there is pounding on the door.

Eclipse: DVL! ZEPH SAID YOU PUT THOSE FIREFLIES IN MY ROOM!

DVL: Uh oh...

Eclipse: SO GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE SO I CAN KICK IT! **NOW!**

DVL: Help! (escapes through the window)

Eclipse destroys door, runs in, and goes through window after DVL, yelling creative profanities.

Blaze and Wreck: (sigh)

Back to normal...

The End

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~~~~~

Stupid, I know I know.  Review, people, I REALLY like reviews.


	2. Review Responses

Well, I actually don't have many reviews but I thought I'd comment on them because I'm bored...again...

Wufei:

Hee hee, I completely agree. I think that was good use of my time, to kill her. Except now I have to go kill Jaken :) *runs off to get Blaze and Wreck*

Kelly_Pure:

"Just an anime character" who gets on my nerves and wastes Heero's time. I thought I made it kinda obvious I was gonna do that (the title), and you didn't have to read it if you didn't want to. It was supposed to be immature. That's the point. Immature fics are more fun than serious ones. The point is to amuse myself and whoever else reads it. If you want a serious fic, why are you reading in the humor section? Most of them are immature, but that doesn't mean they're bad. If you find a funny fic that ISN'T immature please tell me.

Rimley13:

Thanx. Though I was expecting you to bring up Timeless...sorry. Again. Personally I think it's good for figuring out personalities. Put a character whose personality you aren't sure about in a stupid story with some characters you do know, and it gives you the personality. Very useful. And a lot more mature than the one where they blew up the high school, as much as I enjoyed that :)

And no offense, but you aren't exactly mature either. Want to contribute Rimley, she could have fun with Relena too. Without knocking out Wufei, hopefully. I'm mad at my Timeless for that. I want him to fight Raith. Hmm...IDEA!!!! Stuff to do on the bus to Gatlinburg!!!!!


	3. Review Responses2

If you liked the fic don't read this next part.

I'm pissed off now. I'm sick and I check my e-mail and see this crap in it. From now on I'm blocking anyone who flames this, got it? The only two justifiable reasons for flames are 1) if the author makes a factual mistake that offends the reviewer, or 2) if the author did something not everyone would like (Yaoi, for instance) and didn't put a warning at the beginning. I put a freakin' warning. If you still read it it's your problem. I've only ever flamed two people: once for that second reason, and once because of a misunderstanding.

Heero Yui:

First of all, I'll say the same thing I told Kelly_Pure: I gave you plenty of warning that it was gonna be my characters killing Relena, and if you didn't want to read it, you shouldn't have read it. Don't blame me for that. Secondly, how DARE you, I despise 1x2 and anything related to it. What the hell gave you that idea?!? And I like Wufei, Duo, Trowa, and Zechs, not Heero. I don't like Heero at all. Relena just ticks me off, okay? She ticks off everyone I know. And the only person I know who DOES like her thought this story was funny. And that was a guy. So EXCUSE me. And if I hate Relena, how can I have a jealous "hissy" fit over her. I'm aware that she's not real, but she annoys me so I'll sic a couple of my characters on her. And since everyone I showed it to offline thought it was funny, I put it up here. I didn't say everyone would like it.

Though I withdraw my comment that all humor is immature. I guess that was stupid. Correction: All humor my friends and I write is immature. (Uh, no offense Rimley13...or Latasha if you ever look at this. Though you'll probably agree with that.)

ybewd:

I hope I didn't scare you off with that. I agree with you :)

Rimley13:

I know you're just doing that to annoy me. But I got that name by looking up "immortal" in the thesaurus, because that is a quality the Time person has to have. I didn't even remember that was one of your characters until you told me. And the name was stuck by then. It suits him. So get over it, okay?

Oh yeah, did you write a fic yet? And did you figure out why the site didn't like your e-mail address?


	4. Return of Relena

I wasn't gonna do a sequel, but I was bored, so I tried one. Same basic idea, except Relena comes into our world (sorry, Timeless, PLANE) this time. And she's not acting normal. But she still dies, don't worry!!!

All of my characters are the same elements as before. Wreck forgot to take her medication or something, so she's acting really stupid/insane all the way through. Enjoy, ppls!!!

~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

*In the living room*

Wreck: I am bored.

DVL: That can't be good for the rest of the universe. Can't you think of ANYTHING to do?

Wreck: No. Blaze does that. Where is she, anyway?

DVL: Detention.

Wreck: Crap. Where's Dusk and everybody?

DVL: Out somewhere.

Wreck: Crap.

Blaze: (comes running in) We have problems, guys!

Wreck: Yay!

Blaze: (stares)

DVL: (rubbing temples) She's bored. What do you mean, problems?

Blaze: Remember when we went into Gundam Wing?

DVL: (groans)

Blaze: I'll take that as a yes. Well, The Monster somehow got OUT of Gundam Wing, and she has like a million guns, and she's CHASING ME!!!

Timeless: (has been sitting in the corner) That's nice.

(all look at Timeless)

Wreck: Since when are you here?

Timeless: Since five seconds ago. You took long enough.

Wreck: *mad face* Ooh... (attacks Timeless with scythe)

Timeless: (escapes and starts to run out the door) Uh-oh.

Blaze: The Monster?

Timeless: Yes... (quickly shuts door)

(a million lasers come through the door, almost hitting Timeless)

Timeless: Ah...ah...(collapses against wall)

Blaze: Would it have been a good thing or a bad thing if those had hit him?

DVL: Good question. If you come up with an answer, let me know. Now what do we do about this?

Wreck: (jumping up and down and clapping her hands) Kill Relena! Kill Relena!

Blaze: (bangs Wreck on head) You need that.

Wreck: *dizzy/swirly eyes*

((There, Latasha, I put swirly too. Are you happy?))

DVL: It's not that simple. If—

(sudden banging on door)

Blaze: Um, should we open that?

DVL: Why bother? There's not enough door left to open, anyway. Rev'll have a fit.

Blaze: That's his problem.

(door breaks and Relena enters, holding lots of guns)

Relena: You four are going to get it! You KILLED me!

DVL: Then why aren't you dead?!?

Blaze: RUN AWAY!!!

DVL and Blaze grab Wreck and run for the back door.

Relena: (opens fire)

DVL: Uh-oh.

Blaze: What now?!?

There is a very bright light and DVL, Blaze, and Wreck vanish.

*Place with lots of silver light*

DVL: Where are we? (voice echoes)

Blaze: (shrugs, drops Wreck onto ground)

Timeless: This is the Plane of Making.

Blaze: Do you have to show up like that?

Timeless: Yes. And you're lucky I bothered saving you. You LEFT me.

Blaze: Oops.

Wreck: (lying on ground) Can we make h-bombs?

DVL, Blaze, and Timeless: No.

Timeless: You COULD, actually, but you WON'T.

Wreck: Why?

Blaze: We don't want you to blow up anything important.

DVL: Like my head.

Wreck: Meanies.

Timeless: We're not making anything. We're just here to get away from The Monster.

Wreck: Is this a save point?

Timeless: No. (walks over to circle on the ground, stepping on Wreck)

Wreck: Ow.

DVL: What's that? (joins him, stepping on Wreck)

Wreck: Ow.

Timeless: The exit. (vanishes)

Blaze: Cool! (runs to circle, stepping on Wreck)

Wreck: Ow.

DVL and Blaze step into the circle and vanish.

Wreck: Hey! What about me?

(silence)

Wreck: Crap. (gets up, runs to circle, vanishes)

*Normal Plane*

Relena: Where are they?!? I have to hurt them!!!

DVL: Thought you were supposed to be a pacifist.

Relena: Well you KILLED me!!!

Blaze: Not correctly. Timeless, she isn't supposed to remember!

Timeless: Well, I've never reversed time in another plane before, so I think I might have made a mistake...

DVL, Blaze, and Wreck: *mad faces*  **TIMELESS!!!**

Timeless: I'm sorry! There, I said it. Have I demeaned myself enough?!?

((Timeless never apologizes for anything.))

Blaze: I guess.

Relena: Hello! I'm supposed to kill you!

Blaze: Sorry. Attack, everybody!

(all attack Relena with scythe, enormous axe, fire, sword)

Relena: (opens fire)

(all run away screaming)

*Later*

DVL: This isn't working.

Timeless: You noticed.

Wreck: She's cheating! She's just supposed to let us kill her! No fair no fair no fair!!!

(all stare at Wreck)

Blaze: Uh...yeah. Yeah. We need to get the guns away from The Monster.

DVL: How?

Blaze: Well...you could do it. You're psychic.

DVL: And what if I get shot?

Blaze: We find Zeph and get her to do it.

DVL: And what if she gets shot?

Blaze: We find Dusk and get her to do it.

DVL: And what if she gets shot?

Timeless: **ENOUGH ALREADY!!!**

(all stare at Timeless)

((Timeless never yells.))

Timeless: Right. DVL, just DO it and quit arguing. It should work.

DVL: "SHOULD"?!?

Timeless: It WILL work.

Wreck: You don't know that.

Timeless: (bangs Wreck on head) Let's go.

Wreck: *dizzy/swirly eyes* Twinkle twinkle little star...

*Later*

Relena: Come out already!!! Where are you?!?

DVL: Present.

Relena: (whirls around) DIE!!! (opens fire)

DVL jumps very high and lands on Relena's head.

Relena: EEK!!! (shoots wildly)

DVL: Ahh!!! Guns, guns, NO MORE GUNS!!! (grabs enormous axe and smashes all of guns)

Relena: AHH!!!

Wreck: Goody goody!!! (attacks Relena with scythe)

Relena: (screams)

*Later*

DVL: Here lies Relena, the most annoying anime character in existence.

Blaze: What about Jaken?

DVL: Shut up! Anyway, we killed her and she's not coming back this time. (drops large gravestone into dirt next to Relena's ashes)

Timeless: *reading gravestone* "This is Relena of Gundam Wing. We hate her and so we will sing. For she is dead, and we are happy, and now we will take a little nappy." Who wrote that?!?

Wreck: I did! Tee hee!

Timeless: (groans)

The End

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~

OK, it wasn't that bad, right? Sorry about the poem. Wreck is crazy. Review, please!!!


	5. Final

I HAD more of this, but you'd have to read Death to Jaken! (one of my IY fics) to get it, so I decided not to put it up here...and besides, I can't find it. Idiot me.  
  
So, I'm out of ideas. If anybody has any on how to continue this, please let me know. Aside from Wreck bringing Relena back to life...which she will NOT do...  
  
fox1772: a lot of these are flames. You don't want those.  
  
Wufei: you don't want Wreck as a friend. Trust me. She's WAAAY too insane and will probably blow up a few planets if we do not constantly watch her.  
  
Violet Yuy-Maxwell: honestly. I thought I made it obvious I was going to kill Relena and it was going to be weird. If they don't wanna read that stuff they shouldn't. Geez. And I just don't like when ppl make straight characters gay is all. I sometimes read them if they're still interesting. I'm working on these things. I have a bunch of Inuyasha ones up that I think are funnier. Besides, the ppl who review those don't flame. Why an angry Lady Une? Would she be killing or helping Relena? *possibilities*  
  
Q-chan: actually I don't have anything better to do. Deal with it. I wasn't sitting there making you read it, so if you didn't think you were going to like it why did you bother? And do you like Quatre or something? Because he's a freak.  
  
And have you noticed, but all the flames are anonymous reviews...the ppl are too chicken to put their e-mail addresses!!! You can give the flames, but can't take it, right?  
  
So, that's it. Bye bye. Read my Inuyasha fics. I don't think you need a great understanding of Inuyasha to get them. Especially read "The Evil Plot" because I want some reviews on that.  
  
~DVL 


End file.
